My fantastic life as a stripper (not really). i post a little of everything, mostly funny. Feel free to hit me up, I'm always here for you bud <3 Talk dirty to me thru Parks and Rec, and Spongebob ;3

uhmeliamay:

when bae won’t give you head 

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(Source: uhmeliamay, via trust)

Notes
1597
Posted
42 minutes ago

justmyflawedlogic:

oliviastarshippp:

lokisgloriouspenis:

okay today i learned that apparently the penis has a say in whether or not a child will be a boy or a girl

female sperm swims slower than male sperm, but the males can’t swim for as long as the females. this means that a long penis will be closer to the egg when releasing the sperm, and there will be a higher chance for the child to be a boy.

so in conclusion

if you have a lot of sons you have a big dick

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FUCK WHAT KIND OF POST IS THIS

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(Source: samthewilson, via n0t-the-am3rican-av3rage)

Notes
405035
Posted
44 minutes ago

madboner:

"WHAT DO WE WANT"

"CUTE CLOTHES"

"WHEN DO WE WANT THEM"

maybe in like a year or two when im hotter and skinnier so i can look good in them

(Source: breakingbag, via n0t-the-am3rican-av3rage)

Notes
243204
Posted
45 minutes ago

bigalphonse:

gregmendel:

straight boys dress like randomised sims

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ah yes your average straight boy

(via n0t-the-am3rican-av3rage)

Notes
331427
Posted
45 minutes ago

tungstens:

we all have a favorite eyebrow

(Source: fzur, via damn-funny)

Notes
504154
Posted
46 minutes ago

billiondollarbaby:

I can’t wait for winter because that’s when all mosquitoes die and go to hell where they belong

(Source: billiondollarbaby, via n0t-the-am3rican-av3rage)

Notes
60382
Posted
46 minutes ago

if you love yourself and others please wear deodorant

(Source: souljaboy2007, via n0t-the-am3rican-av3rage)

Notes
3472
Posted
46 minutes ago

dammit:

how do people make like hundreds of friends I can’t even make a grilled cheese with out burning it

(via sniffing)

Notes
21164
Posted
47 minutes ago
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